I'll still be dancing...

As I watch the number increase as the bookstore clerk continues to ring up the necessary texts for this semesters classes, I wonder if the Mental Health class I am enrolled in will reveal the necessary mental health needed to maintain my current course towards obtaining a nursing degree. It definitely isn't motivating to know will be paying over $500 for books this semester. However, as the syllabus' stack up and the increasing obligation of school work rises, I attempt to see the good things in my life. It's not easy to be in a grateful mood as the bookstore clerk swiped my credit card, however upon signing the receipt I didn't hesitate to put the bookstore pen in my purse. I just gave them this months rent, I think they can afford to loose a pen. How's that for being grateful?

This weekend I will be in San Diego. I can hardly contain my excitement and stay focused on the required chapter readings this week, and am even less concentrated while serving drinks at work. It seems that although I do know there is a long road ahead of me for the time being in several aspects, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. My only hope is that that light is not an oncoming train to turn my world upside down again. Regardless, the sun is shining.

These last few weeks were a whirlwind of several emotions. Hell, stress, obliviously happy, comforted, hopelessness, and motivated are just a few to name. Exhaustion took it's toll for a while, in which I developed a pretty bad cold and stayed home from classes for two days this week (skipping class and it's only the second week of school). Now feeling refreshed and ready to conquer most of the world, I come to realize that trials really do last only for a moment or so.

It's our trials in life that make us who we are. As always, a quote that I try to keep on the forefront of my mind when I come across trails is, "A strand of spider's web is as strong as the mightiest cable if there is no wind." At least it is something similar to that. An even better one, "A kite flies against the wind, not with it." Therefore, in our adversities, we are molded. We are tested. We are refined. It is in our darkest hour that we are pushed the hardest and driven to the very edge of sanity, and if we survive we are all the better for it. We can look back in hindsight and say, "look at what I have achieved." I will not lie though, it is much easier said than done while in the moment of adversity and while in that moment, if you're anything like me, you don't want to hear that your trial will be for but a moment.

I wrote a poem a while back about the trials in life. I wrote it with the vision of a young person dancing in the rain when everything else around her was crashing down. Her life, her school, her job, her friends, her family, none of it mattered as this particular moment. The only thing that mattered to her was dancing. She was happy because she was dancing regardless of the rest. I often think of it through my hard times. I just remember to dance through it all. I hope you enjoy.

I'll still be dancing when the sun goes down,

I'll still be dancing when all my friends are gone,

I'll be dancing the day it rains,

I'll be dancing when life's all wrong.

I'll still be dancing the day my heart breaks,

I'll still be dancing when my lonely tears fall,

I'll be dancing although betrayed,

I'll be dancing through it all.

As I must get back to my books now, and prepare for my short vacation to San Diego, California I will keep that image of the girl dancing in middle of the street in a thunderstorm when nothing else in her life matters. I am sure I will write another blog and include pictures of San Diego when I return, until then, dance.